


Of Mafia Gangs & Arachnids

by PeaceMinusMOTTE



Category: Big Bang (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Gen, Mafia AU, One Shot, i don't know how to tag???, mafia, mafia boss! daesung, please help lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 03:15:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14761544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeaceMinusMOTTE/pseuds/PeaceMinusMOTTE
Summary: Mafia boss Kang Daesung is a feared name in Seoul's underground scene, but he's holding a deadly secret deep in his heart. It would be devastating if this secret got out, but Daesung's convinced he's got a firm grip on himself in order to prevent that.





	Of Mafia Gangs & Arachnids

**Author's Note:**

> This is just some crackfic that I posted on Tumblr (@aflaxtonjaegerbomb - shameless self-promotion~) based on a prompt-that-wasn't-really-a-prompt a friend wrote. Enjoy I guess...

A chill swept over Daesung as he strolled into his office, closely followed by his two bodyguards. The windows were wide open, had been for some time now. 

Any amount of squirming, ugly bugs could have wandered in.

“Why are these windows open?” Daesung attempted to remain as calm as possible, trying to block out the possibility of opening his draws to piles of worms wriggling over his files.

“We thought the room could air out a bit. I’ll… I’ll shut them,” Seunghyun, the taller bodyguard, spoke in a low baritone, and exchanged a knowing glance with the shorter bodyguard - Youngbae - as he crossed the room. Jumping into action, Youngbae swiftly retrieved the large can of insect repellent from the cupboard tucked into the corner of the room and began traversing the entire office while crouched in search of any bugs or arachnids. Especially arachnids.

Gingerly, Daesung lowered himself into the chair at his desk, the leather making a scrunch that caused him to immediately stand back up again. Daesung gave the chair a once over before nudging it aside with his foot. He watched his bodyguard hop around the room in defeat. They weren't even supposed to know about this - this illogical fear. 

“If only that skinny bastard Jiyong had any notion of self-respect or cleanliness, they wouldn't have found out at all…” Daesung muttered to himself. Seunghyun sniggered from his position at the window. “What's so funny, Seunghyun?” Daesung squinted at the tall expanse of his back.

“Nothing, nothing at all,” Seunghyun kept his back to his boss in fear of bursting into laughter. From his position on the floor, Youngbae made sure to obscure his face.

*****  
Daesung pushed through the small door that opened into the warehouse. Clearly, this was only in temporary use, anyone could tell from the dirt covering the floor and moss clinging to the walls that the container was uninhabitable, for work or otherwise. The door didn't even open halfway, and Daesung made a show of squeezing his self-proclaimed “chiselled" chest through the gap. Once through, he tapped his foot impatiently. As if he hadn’t taken a good fifteen minutes.

A small buzzing noise found Daesung's ears and he jumped back so violently that he managed to knock over his bodyguard who was attempting to maneuver his lanky body through the door after him.

“Christ Seunghyun, you terrified me!” The younger man yelled at the mess of limbs next to him.

“I terrified you? I was trying to squeeze through the damn door,” Seunghyun squinted at Daesung.

“Are you talking back to me? Shut up.”

“Guys? Can I get through the door or not?” Youngbae's voice drifted out from the other side of the wall, obviously miffed at the long wait.

“Hurry up will you? We don't know whether the guy's actually here or not,” Daesung collected himself and left Seunghyun to sort himself out.

Little did the three men know that their dealer had been watching the entire time from the shadows. Jiyong was leaning against the far wall, holding his face in his hands, already exasperated by these idiots who acted as though every day was their first as a mafia gang. God, he hadn't even spoken to them yet and he hated them. Sighing loudly, Jiyong emerged from the shadows and spoke.

“Welcome, Mr. Kang. I'm glad you made it.”

“Um… hi?” Daesung couldn't see very well through the darkness, and so his eyes were permanently fixed into a squint. Jiyong doubted they were even open. Just as Daesung swallowed and went to open his mouth to say more, the shorter bodyguard fell through the gap in the door, causing a loud crash to echo in the warehouse as his foot connected harshly with the metal of the door. He muffled his yell on the way down, but it wasn’t enough to keep Daesung from throwing a pitiful glance in his direction. Begrudgingly, he turned back to Jiyong.

“So, anyway, the money?”

“Yeah, ₩200,000,000 in cash. I have it right here, I just need you to-” Jiyong stopped, his train of thought flying right off the tracks as he watched Daesung. Kang Daesung. The Big Bad Mafia Boss™. The mafia boss, who was… dancing? That’s what it looked like to Jiyong. Daesung was shuffling around the same few inches of dirt, moving one foot forward, one foot back, over and over again. His head was at some sort of balance between being able to look at Jiyong but also pay attention to the ground. Jiyong huffed and glared at the wall directly behind Daesung. He had a dinner to go to with his sister, but now he’d have to be late - again - because of these imbeciles.

Meanwhile, Daesung was having a small existential crisis. A spider had made its way over to his shoes and seemed to be attempting to climb him. Daesung was having none of it. Not these shoes, not this situation, not today, Satan. Every time he thought it was going to move on, the spindly creature reached out with its tiny leg and tried to touch his shoe.

Seunghyun watched the entire situation from where he was leaning against the door. Youngbae was stood next to him, giggling his little ass off at their boss ruining his own reputation. After almost ten excruciating minutes of Jiyong’s angry huffing and Daesung’s weird dancing, Seunghyun stalked toward his boss, shoved him roughly out of the way and stepped right onto the offending arachnid.

“Look,” he growled, “I don’t know what you’re playing at, but we need to go, so give us the money.”

Jiyong looked nothing if not relieved, and chucked Seunghyun the briefcase before darting past them and shimming out of the door to freedom without another word. Youngbae finally let out his howling laughter and Seunghyun could only turn to Daesung and raise an eyebrow.

“I think I handled that pretty well,” Daesung said as he took the briefcase from his bodyguard, “What’s he laughing about though?”

Seunghyun blinked once. Twice. He’s oblivious. As oblivious as one can be, he thought.

*****  
After that fateful day, the news had spread like wildfire around Seoul’s underground gangs. Kang Daesung was afraid of insects. Even a fruit fly could send him into hysterics. Daesung himself couldn’t understand how everyone knew this information, he’d never shown signs of weakness. Seunghyun on the other hand, could not understand how one man could be so afraid of the tiniest creatures, but also be so completely blind as to how obvious he was. Youngbae, on the other hand, was quietly content. The only reason he hadn’t quit yet was that his boss was the most hilarious man alive if bugs were around. The rest of this mafia’s days would be spent warding off arachnids and fleas while trying to repair an eternally damaged reputation.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm completely open to any corrections that I may have missed and of course, constructive criticism is always welcome!


End file.
